more things in my life...
Life feels kind of scary at the moment. I think it is because I feel shaken up about possibly the two most key things in my life, me and God. I think all of it is actually good and it is about growth and development but it's not to say that it's not hard. Here's where things are: I have discovered that I have troubles with my self concept, I doubt who I am and I doubt my worth and value. I've never seen this as clearly as I have it has caused me to realise that there are many things that can be said about God or faith that are probably more related to how we feel than they are to what is scripturally accurate. I have come to a place of feeling like I almost don't know who God is anymore because I don't know what I know from the Word and what I know just from other people talking. And when sometimes there are conflicting opinions then it does become very shaky. So I almost feel like I don't know me and I don't know God.But I don't think that it is coincidence that I have come to a place where I feel like there is this great big hole inside of me that needs to be filled with something (and somehow this hole is linked to inadequacy) and the fact that I am going back to the basics to relearn who God is. Somehow the two seem to be working in parallel, like it is supposed to be that way. So maybe as I learn more about God the whole will be filled because I will learn more about me in relation to Him and so more about me. Maybe it is also about filling the hole with God and not with anything that I might have tried to fill it with.
So it's all a bit scary and uncertain at the moment, but I am not backing out.
posted by bec @ 8:32 am
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