17 July 2006

The preach

So I preached at X-Culture today. It was the first time that I have preached in a while and I was feeling really nervous about it. And it's crazy, because it's not that I don't know that I can preach. I know that I can preach. I have had people tell me ever since I first started preaching that I could preach. But one of the things that I have been struggling with recently is learning how to actually accept what God has given me and not be doubting myself and not be struggling with poor self esteem or insecurity.

So I preached on Exodus 2 and used the story of Moses and Pharaoh's daughter as a parallel for child abuse in the communities that I work in. And I had a bit more confidence in preaching than I've had in a while becuase I knew that I had used good methodology to accurately draw the message from Scripture. But I was still very nervous. There was really no good reason why. But it was still there.

And then it was good and people were interested and actually heard what I had to say. And I finished and I knew that I had done a good job. But I guess to be perfectly honest, my favourite part was to turn around and have Stephen say that I had done awesome. And he really meant it. And as much as I had been talking to myself before preaching saying that I was not preaching for his approval and recognition but that this is my worship and offering to God, it was so nice to hear him say it. So I guess my prayer is that God I want to find my sense of identity in You. I want to know who I am in You and to bring what You have given me as an offering to you, recognising that everything that I bring has come from You. But somehow, I still know that I am a bit of a sucker for a little bit of affirmation from those around me. Praise the Lord that He works with us where we are.

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