1 week in Vancouver
So I have been here over 1 week in Vancouver now, 8 days actually. It's funny because Australia seems so far away and almost like it is a place that I don't know. Which is weird, because then I will talk about how much I love it and how it is the best place in the world. And then I feel like I have been here for ages sometimes but then at others will feel very new and not at all sure of things. So it is interesting.But I was reading people's blogs and it got me pondering so I thought I would reflect a bit on the week's experience. I think this will be a bit random and all over the place. I guess more than anything I would have to say that this week has not been anything if not full! So here are some thoughts:
I love this place. It excites me and I love being here. Sometimes I think the hardest thing for me to do after this would be to go back to middle class surburbia and try and exist there. At the moment I just don't know how I could do it. In wanting to be an officer, this sometimes worries me because I wonder what I will do if I get an appointment to a corps in such an area. Sometimes it almost feels like I could serve God better if I wasn't an officer. But it still doesn't negate the call that I feel. So what do I do about that?
I have also learnt that I really valued the culture of relationships that I had at home. First of all, I knew people, somehow there is something really significant in that. It's just a pleasure that I have really taken for granted. I have always enjoyed meeting new people, but there is a huge difference between meeting one new person and getting to know a whole community of new people. But relationships are building and God is providing in amazing ways. I am so blessed by what He is doing here. It is so totally amazing. But I have learnt that I appreciated the honesty of relationships that I had at home, and the lack of pettiness and that people said what they thought and if they needed to talk to you, they did. I guess one of the shocks I have had is finding out that this kind of thing is not always something that you can expect across the board. I guess it has meant that I have been even more grateful for finding it when it has existed.
I have also been experiencing lessons in my struggles with people's expectations. I have trouble dealing with people's expectations and I think I am pretty quick at picking them up. Sometimes I wonder if I even create them. But I have been learning more how to go beyond that. God continues to teach me that actually, it is His opinion that matters the most. In fact, it's not even my opinion of myself that matters, but His. And so when I feel like stuff is placed upon me I need to go to Him and find my assurance and security at Him. And so He is continuing to strengthen me in this area. Funny that I would think that this is one of my bigger areas of weakness and it was the first one that has come under attack from satan while I have been here. But I am living in victory over it.
I am also learning more about how much I love God being in control of my life. You know how you say things, and then there are the times when you really mean it. I am sure I have said so many times, God I want you to take control of my life. I don't know how many times I've actually meant it though, because I have consistenly attempted to take back control on more than one occassion. But at the moment, my honest feeling is, God I don't want control of my life at all. You are doing such a good job and it is so much fun that I love it so much. Please remind me when I forget, that I really don't want control. And I don't, I really don't. I don't know if I have ever been in this position in my life before. I have told God He could have control, or "let" Him have control, but right now, I don't want control. I really, really don't. It's kind of cool.
And why would I want control. At the moment things just keep on falling into place in ways that I can't imagine. Every piece of timing is perfect. I was feeling slightly frustrated with community, and God brough along a friend that is outside of community and I think will be a valuable friend to have. I was feeling at a loss of what I am supposed to be doing here, and God has provided. Guess what I think I am going to be doing here? Yep, youth work! Hehe. I met a guy yesterday (Saturday) called Pastor James Lee. He is partnering with 614 and doing stuff to reach kids, youth and family in our disadvantaged neighbourhood. And he is doing a great job but doesn't have enough time to do it all and has been praying for someone with youth work skills to come along. And I went out to check it out yesterday and I happened to tell him this and now things are swinging into action. Bascially he has said that he wants me to be an expert on the demographics and picture our community in the next month. I am meeting with him tomorrow to start to get a picture and to get some research and other things. And he also needs someone with administrative abilities, particularly with the computer, and that I am good at too. And so God has provided perfectly. And so I am really excited about getting a job, so that I can be a youth worker. Strange way to put it, hey? But I feel really excited about being able to give back this gift of what i have been trained to be. But then Pastor Lee also mentioned the idea of being able to find a way to pay me for 10 hours a week or something. At present I can't work as a youth worker unless I get a medical clearance, but I can volunteer. So I may be able to get paid for the other stuff that I do. But even if I don't it is cool. And I guess it opens up opportunities with funding proposals and the like, and may even open up the way for me if I am to stay here for longer. Like I could end up running a lot of this stuff. He wants to do a drop-in and all these other things. And I have experience in all of it. So God is good and there are many great things going on. It is incredibly amazing.
So it has been a week of up and downs. I realise that I probably write here most of the good stuff and don't really write a huge amount of the bad. I am trying to get better at that. But I really feel like life is good. God is just providing amazingly and I know that He has His hand on it and I am being just so totally blown away. It is literally like, "Bec, don't do anything." And then He just makes it fall into my lap. I am overwhelmed. It's huge lessons in grace, cos I just don't deserve it. I really feel like I should be doing something to make it happen or to work it. But it feels like that is the point. God doesn't want me to do that. I need to learn just how to trust Him and let Him do it all. Wow, I am reminded once again that this is actually my lesson for the year. I think maybe I am finally getting it. I was worried that this would be a tough and hard lesson to learn, and there are parts of it that are. But really those are the bits that come from we when I am not totally depending on God. Whenever I am, it is this great and fantastic thing!
So that's me, it's pretty long. Well done if you got through it all!
posted by bec @ 12:24 am
6 Comments:
Woohoo! I got through it! Yay for people who like to write a lot!
Do you know what I sometimes miss? I miss having people to get excited with. I remember the day I got enrolled and both you and Jess were all psycho because I was. I had a countdown and everything going! It was fantastic and I remember a lot of people asking me how I felt and being suprised when I said I couldn't wait. They found it weird! I mean seriously, how could one be excited about doing something for God? Gee... I wonder! Coz our God is an awesome God! Thanks for putting it that way Micheal W. Smith!
Anyways, I am so glad you're excited and even though it has been tough for the first week and also last year with not going to training college and all, I guess the encouragement is that satan doesn't try to knock over the seat warmers of the church!
Congratulations on being a threat to satan! Woohoo... I think that is the strangest way I have ever thought about trials... but it's a truth I am holding at the moment!
Love you so much! By the way, I was not impressed on msn when you didn't play the hugs game! It was very rude. *Hugs* ... wait, I change my mind! Bye!
Sorry for not playing the hugs game cass, I really had to run out the door! I love you though and will send you thought hugs even if I don't write them on msn.
See that's the point, I don't want to be fake. But it can be hard because is tricky to be vulnerable and it is risky. So I am trying not to. But who is this?
Hmm, so I know some about you. I wonder if I have met you before, have I? How did you find my blog. But on being open and transparent, had some great opportunities this weeekend to share and it was received really well and there is stuff developing from it that is very helpful as well. So praise the Lord. He is good and always provides.
Of course, just to add to the discussion here, you can be far too open with people and that can be just as bad... I do that and find that I can damage relationships with my openess... so there is a balance... rely on God to tell you what to share and what not to!
Hey, that's cool, glad to have you hear. Just not used to having people I haven't met on my blog. Though I don't really mind! :) But if you are a salvo or live in Australia then we might have met, you never know. Are you either?
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