The safest place in the whole world is in Your will
Ok, so I continue to tell the story about how the best thing in the world is to live right where He wants you to. I was driving home (and we were actually in Van by this stage, yay!) with Pastor James (photos of some of the trip will be up on my photo blog soon) and he told me he had some thoughts. I had no idea where this was going and so I was not sure how I felt about the prospects. Then he says, "I have been thinking that we might be able to pay your rent for you and give you a bus pass each month as compensation for all the work that you do for me. What do you think?" For one of the few times in my life I was speechless. It was, "I... umm... wow... umm... yes... um... wow, I...." I was so blown away. It was not at all expected, and so much more than I expected.It sent me down a whole trail of thought. The first thing was the struggle I have to simply say thank you. I often struggle to let ppl pay for things for me, whatever the situation. I would much rather be self-sufficient and looking after myself. I somehow feel vulnerable letting other ppl take care of things for me and I don't want to depend on them. It's like if I do, then maybe I owe them something, or maybe they have a part of me. I don't like being it that position with just anyone. I also wonder if they really want to do what they just said, and so I try and give them an out of they want it. So I didn't actually say, "No, you don't have to." But just, "If it doesn't work out, that's ok." So I think God is teaching me more about depending on Him, because if this goes ahead some of my livelihood is held in someone else's hands. It continues to confirm this idea of being a missionary to me. There is the part of me that says, no I want to work and be completely self-sufficient. But I wonder if when I do start working that God will have other uses for my money and He will be telling me what to do with it. It's like, "No, don't work to cover the cost, I have given this to you, receive it and continue to trust me."
So that was kind of amazing and it came at the end of a trip that I didn't really want to go on and still felt not completely connected to until the last day (and I think that was a reflection of the missionary revelation). So I feel that I didn't even go on this trip with a good attitude and I am still given this, and I arrived feeling better than when I left. And so once again it is grace, something I so didn't deserve and in some ways find hard to receive, but there for me to take if I will only allow someone to give it to me.
I also began to wonder how much more I would need to not work at all, and while I believe that God still wants me to work (more so that I have the financial means to support others rather than myself) I am still so excited. How cool is it that someone gives me the equivalent of $269 a month and I start thinking, I only need to pay for food and then I have everything paid for (apart from treats and outings). Go simple living! It makes living so easy cos you need so little and it also means you are blessed so much more because everything has so much more meaning because even little things are significant. Cos I was thinking about it, and the truth is, if it does happen, I am effecting getting supported for just under $2/hr of work that I do. And yet for someone to give this to me goes beyond any expectation. To me it is amazing. So it's kind of exciting to be so thrilled to be working for this kind of money (and it's not really how it is, but I think this is about showing the concept) and it to be the most amazing thing in the world. It kind of makes me think that God is working in my heart to change it and make it more useful to Him. That is very exciting.
So once again I am loving life and am finding once again that trusting God and living life where He says is the best thing in the world because then He takes care of everything and you get to be blown away by it.
posted by bec @ 7:36 am
2 Comments:
You are so cool!
$2/hr, not even Red Rooster is that cheap! LOL, but I never enjoyed that... so I guess it's different then! Love you heaps
Bec(s)...
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