My God is so good to me and I don't understand it. And I don't deserve it at all. And I still don't get why He would want to talk to me personally, and yet I feel His love when He does. Sometimes I can't believe that He loves me, that He gives me the grace to be weak and to even fall and fail. And then He gives me the measure of what I need to be picked up and keep going. Sometimes I am feel like saying, "no God, I don't deserve this, I can do it on my own." But the strangest thing is that somehow, if I do that I am actually rejecting Him, turning away from the very One that I love the most. God, sometimes I don't get how I love you by letting You work in me and work for me. I hope and pray that my life will be worthy of it. Not that I somehow work out how to earn it or deserve it, but that it's not wasted. That I don't keep it all for me and my own happy party. That I share it, and that I am quick and obedient to do so. That I look at this world and see with Your eyes and Your heart and feel the urgency for a dying world. God, sometimes I get scared to ask for Your heart, cos I have an idea of what it means for 'life' for me. It means death, but then it means real living. God, I want that life.
posted by bec @ 2:18 pm
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