So YOUR confused...
People don't always think I am the easiest to understand. Join the club! I don't even always understand me. Today was a good day, so why do I end up feeling melancholy? Why do I never seem satisfied? Why do I never let things just be simple? Why do I think so much? Why do I ask why so often? Why do I need to know?Today was actually a really good day, and I felt like I did stuff towards something that had purpose and I did better than was expected of me. And we got stuff done and planned what needed to happen and the sleepover on Sat night is going to rock. And yet somehow at the end of the day something is missing. I have been frustrated lately, and in some ways I know why. I have been frustrated that I care too much about what people think about me and always want them to think good of me and get trapped into doing things or not doing things according to what other people think. I get frustrated that I feel like I could be doing so much more sometimes, and that I want to do so much more, but I don't always know the best way to go about making that happen. I get frustrated that sometimes I get scared of who I am, and then I hold back. I get frustrated that I can share my frustrations with people and sometimes feel like they didn't even really listen, let alone actually care. I get frustrated with lack of time with people, I get frustrated when people don't share. I get frustrated that I am so self-focused.
And you still know what the crazy thing is? If you had asked me even less than 2 hours ago, I would have told you that today had been a great day!
posted by bec @ 1:15 am
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