musings from my heart

Conflict

Contrary to what I might expect would popular belief, I do not like conflict. At least not about anything related to me. If it is just an intellectual argument then I'm probably in there with bells on. But if it is anyway related to me, then I probably shy away from it and would rather not have anything to do with it. I think this is somewhat based around a tendency that I have had to place my worth in what other people thought of me. Which meant that if they disagreed with me or had conflict with me than I felt bad because I assumed that it was related to how they thought about me, which then impacted how I thought about me. Much of that has gone now, because God is good at healing all sorts of things. But I still don't really like conflict. It has also made me feel distant from people and is very draining for me. Recently however it would seem that God has been deciding that it is time for me to learn to deal with this. I need to grow tougher skin and I need to learn how to say what I actually think instead of letting it slide. I am also learning more about thinking on my feet and just being able to address what needs to be addressed. It is still definitely a work in progress. But I am learning. And even when I do it well, I am getting better at seeing how I could have done things. And I am also learning how to not take it all so personally. I guess I am also learning how to stand up for things when I am right. I think I like to keep the peace too much and might let things go that I shouldn't. I still end up sometimes thinking, "Why can't I just let it go?" But I think it's good for me. Something tells me that I might as well get used to it now, because it's probably only going to get worse! :)

posted by bec @ 11:19 pm 1 comments

The Will of God

(from the Australian, June 16, 2006)
"For those who are still not Muslim, they must know that (the Bali bomb deaths) were God's will," Bashir said. "That's the advice that must be given."

Turning on Mr Howard and George W. Bush, Bashir said the two world leaders had to also convert to Islam if they were to be saved - a demand he previously put to an adoring crowd of hundreds of supporters on his return from Jakarta on Wednesday night.

"My message for John Howard is that he should become a Muslim if he wants to be saved and avoid hell," Bashir said to cheers shortly after his arrival. "He also should not try to make war on Islam, because he will certainly lose."

"I urge the families of the victims, those who are not Muslims, to immediately convert to Islam so they can be saved and comforted by Allah," he said.

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If you don't know, Abu Baker Bashir is Jemaah Islamiah's spiritual leader who has just been released from 30 months of imprisonment for condoning the first Bali attack in October 2002. The article includes his words being described as the rantings of an idiot, and anti-Australian, anti-Western hatred. I'm not here to so much give an opinion, but to make observations and ask questions. Didn't someone say the same thing about September 11? Is it less idiotic if Christians are talking about their own God? Why would a Muslim perspective be any less real? When did we ever decide that God doesn't do these things and why? And finally, you still might not like his position, but when was the last time you heard a Christian stand up with that kind of conviction?

I'm totally open to hear the answers...
More thoughts, questions, throw them in as well...

posted by bec @ 11:46 am 3 comments

I am..

So this is my 100th post. Not too bad for only starting in Jan with writing, but not so great as once a day. Ahh, the effects of life at 614 :) But I decided to write this post as a reflection on where I am at the moment. So here it is.

I am...

...still memorising John, it's coming along, slowly but surely.
...getting intrigued with God's ideas of women in church and life.
...feeling a bit sick (might be a sign of working hard).
...becoming more and more interested in learning Greek so that I can read the Bible in the original language.
...slightly tired but still having the time of my life.
...generally feeling very loved.
...having lots of different kinds of chats with people.
...sometimes feeling a bit worn out and needing a dumping ground.
...learning so much from God and about me and just life in general.
...being stretched almost everyday.
...living a crazy life that is never the same and maybe I am slowly getting used to that.
...understanding different perspectives, even when I don't always like them.
...knowing that without a doubt, the safest place in the whole wide world is in God's will.
...wanting to be more and more like Jesus and walk closer and closer with God.
...leading some awesome cells because the people in them are awesome and we have great chats.
...missing home slightly, mostly cos I just miss talking to all those beautiful people.
...developing skills in leadership and I guess management, administration and other related things.
...seeing God open up me, in many great ways.
...falling into the arms of God, because He truly is the only way that I am any good at all.
...leading worship some, even though I really do find it a challenge.
...thinking about preaching but still feeling shy about it.
...deciding that there really aren't enough hours in the day, but more because I want to get more fun in.
...working on a good birthday present.
...gonna go now, cos I think that is enough! :)

Love you all.

posted by bec @ 10:32 pm 5 comments