musings from my heart

My God is MORE than enough

God has been challenging me with how big He is. There's a song that Superchick sings that says, "My God is enough." And I like it, cos it works for me. I know that God will satisfy all my needs and trust my life to Him completely. But I think too often I leave it there. And God has been challenging me about this. And on Sunday we were singing a song that said, "Lord, you're more than enough for me." And it got me thinking.It's like He's saying, "You're willingness to be too easily satisfied with what I can give you is limiting the blessings you receive. Ask more of me and I am so willing to give it to you."

Here's two different situations that have taught me a bit. First, on New Year's night (not too long after it had turned midnight) some friends and I were sitting around discussing what we wanted out of the new year. When my turn came I said that I would like to make sense of this coming year and that I would like to find value in it. (This might seem pretty vague but I'd had a rough lead up to the year and it made heaps of sense to me - and I'm sure God.) You know what, the next night, so the 2nd I had been given my meaning and found value in the year ahead. What I was happy to happen in one year, God had done in one night. Imagine what I could've asked for that God would have done. But I settled for that, I thought that was enough. (Thankfully I also said that by the end of the year I wanted to be able to say that there was more of God and less of me and I'm really looking forward to seeing how that pans out.)

The second is in a smaller, but to me, equally demonstrative situation. I just sold my car and to sell a car the buyer needs keys. So if they go missing, this can be quite a dilemma. It was, because it was me and my dad trying to look for them and we are quite notorious at losing things and often not being able to find them. So last night I went to bed asking God to help me find them or a spare key because He knew where it was. So in the morning, after not too much searching I looked in the two places I thought a spare key would be. And there it was, sitting right on top of the little glass container. I was pretty stoked with that and thanked God for His provision. But guess what, later I was making a phone call and what did I see beside the phone, the other key. No idea how it got there, but now I had found both the keys, and all before the guy arrived to pick up the car. And it was like God was saying to me, Bec, I truly can give you so much more than you can imagine. Don't limit me and yourself in your safe asking. Be willing to ask the impossible, it's totally within my realm.

So I have been appropriately challenged. My God IS more than enough for me. Let's hope I do something about it.

posted by bec @ 1:41 am 0 comments

Two things

So God has been having fun showing me how good He is recently (as if He hasn't done that enough recently!) In the last two days there have been two things.

First of all, with this whole Canada thing, I had been getting in a bit of a lull about it. There comes a time in the waiting where it is just waiting and it's not exciting. And I started thinking a bit more about it and then was just maybe falling into stressing about it a bit more. And so God sent me to go hang out with some of the youth from my division at your annual pool party (great way to kick the year off!). There's not too many people my age that go anymore but I usually go to hang out with some of the younger ones that I have connections with. But there were some 'older' ones with youth group leaders and such. And I just had two conversations with people really encouraging me about going to Canada. From one it was, "You will get to the end of the year and thank God for it." And from the other, "God will bless you for your obedience to Him." And God spoke to me and said, "These are not just things that people are saying, these are from me." So just when I needed it, God stepped in and gave me the encouragment that I needed.

And then the other thing that I have been learning is that life can be really simple. At the moment life just seems to be falling into place really easily. And I realised that it is basically because I am doing what God says. Asking Him about it, listening, and then doing. And hey, I may not always get it right, but there's progress. And life has become so simple. I don't have to worry about anything else. That's all I have to do. And so I realise that this is a greater understanding and reality for me of Matt 6:33 and the rest of the Do Not Worry passage. It really is about, seek God, follow Him, and He takes care of the rest of it. And no, it's not always easy. But it definitely is simple.

posted by bec @ 12:02 am 0 comments

God forsaken

So a while back I said I had some thoughts while I didn't have internet access. I went back and read some of them. I like this one. So I'm putting it in (always good when you like something upon return).

"Eloi, Eloi, lema sabcthani?" It's what Jesus cried on the cross, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" And I've heard this before, and had in my head that it must have been pretty hard for Jesus, but I've just come to some new revelations as to the extremity of this feeling. In John 16:31-32 Jesus tells the disciples that the time is coming when they will all be scattered and leave Him, but He would not be alone because the Father was with Him. And so in this moment of crying out in desperation, you have Jesus, deserted by His friends and now, bereft of His one consolation, communion with the Father. Now we think we get the idea of not wanting to be separated from God but think about how it was for Jesus. He had said, "The Father and I are one." So this wasn't just a momentary wave of emotion, it was like something being torn out of His very being. Ripped apart from the One who had never left Him. I don't know if you can feel the agony, but take a moment and just try. Can you feel it? Can you feel His heart breaking in utter devastation as He was separated from the Life Source? Can you feel the sinister, sucking vacuum, the devastation of death? Can you feel it? And that's just a shadow. And what's so amazing is not just that Jesus felt that, but that He felt it for a very specific reason. He felt it for the love of a world that He created, but that had chosen not to know Him. He felt it because the pain that He went through was worth it, for you, me and every person that you would come in contact with. It's amazing. I am convicted, challenged and my heart soars with joy!

posted by bec @ 5:58 pm 0 comments

Australia Day

If you haven't worked it out yet, I am proudly Australian. It took going overseas to make me truly patriotic, but now I really kinda am! So I thought I would put Dorothea MacKellar's words from My Country here to express a bit of what I feel. (So even though I am learning to make everywhere - or nowhere - my home, it still there!)

The love of field and coppice,
Of green and shaded lanes,
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins;
Strong love of grey-blue distance
Brown streams and soft dim skies -
I know but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror-
This wide brown land for me.

The stark white ring-barked forests,
All tragic to the moon,
The saphirre misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon,
Green tangle of the brushes
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops,
And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When sick at heart around us
We watch the cattle die -
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the rainbow gold,
For flood and fire and famine
She pays us back threefold.
Over the thirsty paddocks
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze

An opal hearted country,
A wilful, lavish land-
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand -
Though earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.

posted by bec @ 6:31 am 1 comments

Pride comes before a fall

Sometimes I struggle with pride. God is slowly refining me, but sometimes I get frustrated. I want it to happen quicker. Pride ruins things so much. It takes what is simple and beautiful and makes it twisted and complicated and ugly. It makes me think that it is actually about me and not about Him. I think it's all in my strength, and what I'm good at and how smart I am. And sometimes it's even about things that start of good, like things relating to spirituality. But then I notice them and then I want other people to notice them and think that I'm good. And then it ruins everything because it is no longer how it was before. Because it was beautiful because it was natural. Pride gets rid of that. I hate it!

Jesus, please keep refining me. Help me to not step in the way, because that is pride to. Help me to remember that it really is all you and none of it is me. Then I don't have any reason to have pride. I can rejoice in You, but not get caught up in myself. Help me to live this everyday.

posted by bec @ 8:39 pm 0 comments

All it takes is faith and trust, and a little bit of pixie dust!

Well not quite, maybe just the first two. I'm finding that out a bit at the moment. You know when God gives you crazy dreaming ideas like, "Go move to Canada," and it is so exciting and scary and exhilarating? And then you come home and you actually have to do it? Make the plans, book the flights, talk to the people, pack the bags, go, leave. Well I think that's when reality sets in a bit more. That's where I am. And it's a little scary. Particularly when God says things like, "Wait until you get over there to get a job." Me, I want to plan and purpose and research it all now and make sure it's all going to be fine. God, He says, "Trust Me." So I guess I am. Been reading a great book at the moment "Waking the Dead" by John Eldridge. He's big on awakening your heart to be obedient to God. And I've been reading His thoughts on hearing God and he says that we need wisdom and spirit. Wisdom is good, but it's not enough. Because wisdom, particularly man's wisdom, will never fully grasp the situation. Why? Because some things are outside the realm of rationality. God doesn't always think like we do, and so if we just have reasoning and formulas and procedures then sometimes we miss the point. Sometimes God asks us to do the irrational. And that's the spirit bit. Maybe that's what it means to worship Him in spirit and in truth. Head and heart.

So I'm gonna trust Him, and this time overule my head with my heart. Saying it only makes it marginally easier. I feel like I"m walking a tight rope, and my feet are tingling because I just looked down. I guess the idea is, if I keep looking at Him I won't fall. It's tempting to look down though, because if I can just see how far it is, maybe I can make sure it won't happen. But usually where you look is where you go. I'm really hoping not to go down. Lord, help me keep my eyes on You. Sometimes I think this is gonna be tougher than it seems, but I do know you will get me across. Ahh, there's the head!

posted by bec @ 8:09 am 0 comments

Washed whiter than snow

So I haven't had internet access for a little while now and I have had so many thoughts during this time. I think some of them are interesting, maybe. So I will try to get them on here. I saw the best snow I have ever seen in my life while I was on holidays. I have seen snow before, in China and in New Zealand. But in New Zealand it was on the slopes that were kinda patchy with ice and then in China it was in the city. This was in the woods, with the drifts from previous days, and then it started snowing while we were there. Having grown up in a wonderfully warm part of the southern hemisphere, snow is not something that I am regularly accustomed to seeing. And so I have heard the term, "washed white as snow," and it has been a nice metaphor, a picture of being clean, and I thought I understood it. I have never understood it properly until this day. If you have never seen a new fall of snow, I don't know if you can. Do you know what new snow looks like? It is so clean, and so pure. It sparkles. And it can cover anything. And it is only after creatures or movement have gotten in there and messed things up that it looks ugly. Unadulterated it has a magic quality to it. And it the silence of the woods as the wind whispers through the trees there is something that captures your heart, picks it up and makes it soar. There is something in there that says, this is of my God. And that is why I love scriptural metaphors, because everytime they are the best description of what they are trying to explain. I look at the snow and think, "My Jesus has washed me clean like that." It's not just clean with no markings, but it is pure and clean and sparkling. And He calls me to live like that. To live as a child of His inheritance with what He has given me. I have been washed clean as snow. There is no more condemnation. I am sparkling and shining in His sight. My Jesus, I do love you!

posted by bec @ 9:09 pm 0 comments

Where are you from?

One of the things that I have discovered while travelling is my allegiance to my home country. I would not have thought that I would be one to make such a big deal about it. But I do - any time I see something related to Australia I am immediately interested. I am an Aussie born and bred, and I'm proud of it. I love being Australian. And I've heard a lot of different conversations relating to allegiance and where you're from, and what that means. And then there's this continuously re-occurring issue of home. Because so far, each place that I have stayed I at some stage have referred to as home. Got me thinking, "Where is home?" Home is where your heart is, they say. And Jesus said that our hearts were where our treasure was. So I guess if I look at my treasure I find out where my heart is. It's a challenging thought. What is my treasure? Does it mean that I am really making my home where I want it to be? Or am I letting other unimportant things crowd in the way? What's even more challenging is what Jesus said about His home. "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." To Jesus, He didn't have an earthly home. He was just passing through. Am I following in the footsteps of my Saviour? I must remind myself that for wherever I would call home, or tie my earthly allegiance, it is not really my home and I am just passing through.

posted by bec @ 4:30 pm 0 comments

Who's to blame?

So I was travelling home on the train today and I happened to overhear a bunch of private school boys in their blazers, ties and vests animatedly discussing something. And I couldn't help but be drawn into the conversation. Eventually I worked out that they had been caught smoking by one of their teachers before rugby practice. Having worked with homeless kids for the last to years I have become a bit desensitised to cigarette smoking - it's just something that they do - and so dont' see it as the extremely rebellious thing that I thought it was in school. But then they kept on talking and I realised that they weren't just talking about smoking cigarettes. Yep, they'd been caught smoking pot, and in their school uniform too. So I knew that these guys were probably gonna be in trouble (you were expelled for that at my school). And they knew it too. And so they were having all sorts of conversations like, "I'll tell them I was just lighting it for Luke, cos that's all I was doing," and "If they ring home I'll just pick up everytime and tell them that they have the wrong number," or, "I'll pretend I'm dad, people think I sound like my dad." Then they got into the we should'ves. "We should have just run when they called out to us," and, "We should have grabbed the chair and knocked him out with it." As the got off the train still talking about it I realised something. There was one thing they didn't say: "We shouldn't have smoked it in the first place." Hmmm. I actually don't think they're that unique in that. How many times in the human condition do we look for everyone and everything except ourselves to blame when really what we should do is turn around and face the issues. I hope next time I'm in that situation (well hopefully it's not too often, or at all!) I remember my friends on the train. And don't do what they did.

posted by bec @ 4:13 pm 0 comments

Who am I?

So I'm travelling, right? And I'm going and seeing all these amazing things and I going shopping and going to the theatre and all this fun stuff. And I've been having a ball! And it got me thinking, "Is this me?" Is this who I am, do I want to do this for the rest of my life? Do I want to have the money to do all the fancy things and have a great time? Because this life has been fun so far. And what does that mean for the other life that I profess to love? The life of the streets, of sacrifice and hardship, and seeing the worst side of people and loving them even more? What about that? Can you do both? I don't know if you can. Because to really be on the streets you have to be legit. You have to live life with them and not be classes above and just "come down to there level". So I think there is choice involved. And what do I want to do? And so this is what I was thinking as I was walking home from seeing Fame last night. And then we walked past a guy begging. And you know what, it brought it all back into perspective. Because that is where my heart is. All this other fancy stuff, is nice, but really it's just a chasing after the wind. There would come a time when money is not enough and all the things you could do with it get boring. But people, you can spend a lifetime with people and never have enough. And the streets still make me feel alive. Even now, being out at night on the streets is my favourite bit about London. And so I remember once again who I am. I do love the streets. And I want to live the life that allows me to minister to the marginalised. I have yet to discover whether that means I never do any of this other stuff, but you know what, if it means that I never do, I'll be ok. There are far more important things in this world. Like souls. And I want to be in the department that goes for that everyday!

posted by bec @ 12:47 am 1 comments

Jesus wept

John 11:35. It's a verse that everyone remembers as the shortest verse in the Bible. For a verse that is only two words long, one wonders why they bothered to give it's own number, why not just include it in the verse before or after. Maybe they wanted to show us something. Do you know why Jesus wept? He wept after Mary and the other mourners had come to Lazarus' grave after Jesus had arrived 4 days after Lazarus died. Both Mary and Martha had questioned Jesus as to his time of arrival, certain that if he had arrived earlier Lazarus would not have died. This passage refers to Jesus being agitated and upset twice other than v. 35. And in the midst of this we get, "Jesus wept." Why did Jesus weep? He already knew that Lazarus would be raised to life. The Scripture does not explain specifically but it seems to be that because he had compassion for Mary and Martha, whom he loved dearly, he was moved by the anguish they were going through. He was probably moved also by the crowd of mourners who came to grieve for this man. He may have also been moved because his friend had died, maybe he felt that momentary sense of loss. Somewhere in there it seems that Jesus heard a hurting world and wept because of it. God weeping, such a basic and demonstrative human emotion, and Jesus felt it too. The God of the universe wept with two women because their brother had died. I don't know how that makes you feel. It gives me shivers down my spine as I feel the compassion and love of a God who can feel my hurt and pain and would weep beside me. These days, in heaven, I don't know if Jesus weeps - there's too much tricky theology there. But I know that He did, and that's probably enough for me because I know that He has known what it feels like too. Jesus wept. Important because it tells us that God completely knows and understands our human condition. I can have faith in a God like that.

posted by bec @ 11:03 pm 2 comments

P.U.S.H.

P.U.S.H - Pray Until Something Happens. I'm sure you know the slogan, but do you know the website and newsletter? The Australian Eastern Territory has a website with forum that is accompanied by an e-newsletter that encourages people to support each other in prayer. It is open to anyone who wants to be involved and if you are interested in checking it out you should go to www.push.salvos.com. It's worth a look.

posted by bec @ 2:13 pm 0 comments

Requests for greater access to abortion bill in Aus

I've just been reading in The Australian about this story. Check it out under the Health section, news stories for 9th Jan at The Australian.It gets put in the Health section because it is 'simply' an issue of equality in health care and about improving choice for women. At the moment RU-486, commonly called the abortion pill, is only available upon direct request to the federal minister for health. County doctors in Cairns, Queensland and now in Victoria are pushing to be able to prescribe it themselves, in a bid to, "ease pressure on overburdened hospital theatres." Please pray that this move does not go ahead so that it does not become easier to take the lives of unborn children. If you are Australian, you might like to write to the Federal Minister for Health and Aging, the Honourable Tony Abbott MHR with regard to this issue. The email address is Tony.Abbott.MP@aph.gov.au You might also want to contact your local federal member as well. You can find the information at House of Reps - Members. Prayer with action guys!

posted by bec @ 1:35 pm 0 comments

It's all a matter of perspective

So if you don't know that I am travelling at the moment, I don't know where you have been! Yesterday I went to Bath and everywhere I went I would continue to exclaim, "It's so pretty!" And I continued to walk around the city in awe at the timelessness and beauty.

But as we were driving out after a great time of sight-seeing, I had to wonder, "What does Bath look like to the people who grew up here? And if you moved here and then lived here, would you still notice the beauty of it all?" It reminded me of how we sometimes get with God, complacent and not really noticing. It is easy as new Christians to see God in everything that you do, or just after you've had an amazing time of revelation. But what about for the rest of the time? How often do we really see God in the everyday? He's there, but how easily do we close our eyes to it all and just walk by as if it's all the same? I know I do it, but I have been desiring to do it less. Little by little I can see God changing it in me. Slowly I find that He is creeping more and more into everything that I do. Reminds me of a good song of eLi's:

You asked me for spare change hungry and afraid
My pockets weren't that full but I gave you everything
You touched my hands the teardrops feel and I was changed
I felt a greater love now I'll never be the same

Does it make you sad that I never knew you looked like that
Or does it make you laugh that I never knew you looked like that

There you are again no matter where I turn
You wait for me to notice, wonderin' if I'll learn

I hear you whisper through the trees I feel the sun
You paint the changing leave the frost that's yet to come
The promise of the springtime your fragrance fills the air
When I take the time to seek you, your hand is everywhere

It's good stuff to remember.

posted by bec @ 12:01 pm 0 comments

Inspired by Luke 22:3-6, 21-23

Wouldn’t you hate to have been Judas? To be the man that betrayed Jesus, how did he handle being the one that sent his Saviour to death? Well apparently he didn’t. But Jesus included Judas as He did all the disciples. He broke covenant with Judas, knowing full well what was going to happen. But strangely enough, Judas betrayal of Jesus brought about the fulfilment of that covenant. I don’t think it excuses the behaviour or gets him off the hook, but I wonder if Judas knew that. I wonder if maybe he did, but still the guilt that gripped him was so strong that he was unable to seek forgiveness, and so assuming that the stain was so great that he could never go back to his Master he ran as far from God as he could and committed suicide. I wonder what would have happened if he had run towards him. Peter betrayed but came to Jesus, what would have happened for Judas?

And while this might seem an extreme example I don’t think Judas predicament is so foreign to us. Have you ever found yourself in a position where you are certain that whatever you have done is far too horrible for you to enter God’s presence once again? I know I have. Sometimes it seems strange that we can actually justify that position to ourselves. But if you are there, let me encourage you of this: God broke covenant with you too. He has included you as He did all of His disciples. Which means that the choice is up to you – you can run towards Him or away from Him, but He has already done what is necessary.

posted by bec @ 11:57 pm 0 comments

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians - who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.

posted by bec @ 7:03 pm 0 comments

Blessings

There's a song that I've heard and have sung a lot recently by Matt Redman called Blessed Be Your Name. While this song challenges me to bless the Name of the Lord in times of struggle, it also tells me to bless God in the times of good season as well. So I'm gonna take myself up on this.

God has recently asked me to do something in a way that is totally outside of my normal practice. He asked me to get up and move without any real consideration of the consequences. What did it mean? Well putting notice in at work and informing all the relevant people about what is going on. And then moving to the other side of the world.

So I'm in the process of doing that. But in a moment of what I felt was lack of faith, I asked God that He would cause all those with whom I discussed this to speak favourably in regards to the decision, as confirmation of His plan. I didn't really know if I was allowed to ask for this. More than anything I had asked for it because I was scared that I would end up doubting the word God had given me, so I asked any way. And God, true to form has decided to show off. Not only have I been receiving awesome words of confirmation from people that I have asked, I have also had other people contacting me to add their support.

And wow is it humbling, because I feel, "God I don't deserve this." And once again I am reminded of the lessons of grace - that it has nothing to do with what I deserve and everything to do with who He is. It's not about me, it's all about Him. So God blessed be Your Name in the land that is plentiful, when the streams of abundance flow, when the sun's shining down on me and when the world is "all as it should be". Your grace is more than I can ever comprehend!

posted by bec @ 9:58 pm 0 comments

So I thought I would get a "real" blog because my other one is annoying me. Or more correctly, I think that one will be for happenings and this one will be for thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts, maybe I could keep more track of them if I wrote them down. There you go.

posted by bec @ 8:19 pm 0 comments