musings from my heart

The Journey (images from counselling...)

I feel like I am a traveller, like a wanderer or something, but I have purpose, not wandering aimlessly. I have a hat on my head and my backpack on and I have a walking stick in my hand. And there is this beaten track that I am walking on. People have walked here before. But not scores and scores of people. But enough. It is well worn but not much wider than that which allows one person to travel on it. The track is dusty and with little pebbles breaking through the earth and it passes through these beautiful grassy fields, meadows even, and there has been a beautiful stream, a babbling brook, to pass by as well. And there have been times to lay down and rest. To sleep deeply under the shade of a huge oak tree, and to sit in the afternoon sun with a cool breeze, twirling a blade of grass in my mouth. Before this the ground was rockier and harder and rougher. And the way was somewhat more difficult and required a bit of stumbling and scrambling. But this has been very peaceful. But now I am up and I am coming through the pastureland. I am, in fact, at the foothills of some very large, snow-capped mountains. My head is lifted up as I survey the view. I am going to the high country. The way is up and the journey will be tough, with some hard climbing and there’s probably going to be a winter chill at sometimes. But the view is going to be spectacular. I am so ready for this. There is excitement as I scan the horizon of these mountains that are now so close that they almost fill my full view. Where they lead, I’m not quite sure. I only know I hear them calling and it is these I must climb.

posted by bec @ 1:42 pm 1 comments

Who would have thought?

So I thought I would let you all know something. Yesterday I finished a four week, once a week, series of counselling. That’s right I, bec, went to counselling. Hehe, and I think I can just imagine some of the responses, “Bec?! Went to counselling?! Why would she do that?” and “Why does Bec need to go to counselling, she’s all fine isn’t she?” And really, if you thought that, the comments aren’t unexpected. But I did go, and it’s been good. Why did I go? Well, if you want the specific why’s, you can ask me. But other than that it was because I needed to sort some of my stuff. To package it and repackage it so that it is sorted better. And it’s been really good. Amazingly so. I have always thought that counselling was a good idea for everyone at some stage in their life. But that was just it, I thought it was good for everyone else! Not for me. I didn’t want to go. Why? Most importantly because I thought it would be scary and secondly because I thought I would roll my eyes at them trying to “counsel” me. I have only a small amount of tolerance for people trying to “counsel” me who don’t do a good job. (yes, I do critique my own counsellors and supervisors and the like! So I’m pedantic! So sue me! :P) But the person that I have been seeing is great and the whole experience has been great. Why has it been great? I guess because it has allowed me to work through stuff and bounce and reflect it off them and allow them to add their wisdom to it. And it has given me permission to be who I am and to recognise that I am allowed to be human and that I don’t have to be perfect and this is actually ok. It’s also recognising and allowing that the solution can be complicated, and it may not be about being “fixed” or at least, if it might be, it’s part of the process, and really it’s not about fixing but healing coming from God. And in the midst of my three week solstice it has been this little beacon of light as I have the opportunity to sift through things in front of someone else. And surprisingly, someone that I trust, even after such a short time. There’s something about knowing that this person is a counsellor and they aren’t going to tell anyone. Or at least not someone who’s going to repeat anything. So counselling has been great. And I plan to continue to have contact with her and to catch up with her whenever in Sydney, so that would be cool. God is so good. He led me down here to do all this. I didn’t know why I had come down here but I have found it to be exactly what I have needed. I have loved this time. I have learnt and gained so much and I am reading to go and do what I need to do. It’s very exciting. There is an adventure just around the corner. So I am also putting this up as a prop to people going to counselling. Even if you don’t think you really need it. It’s actually kind of refreshing to have someone help you dig up your stuff and have a look at it and dust it down and see how things are going. And sometimes they can help you let down things that you didn’t even know that you were carrying. It really has been great! So people’s, if you have been thinking about it, go get some counselling. And if you haven’t, then maybe you should think about it…. I don’t know, it sounds like I am kind of assuming that what works for me works for everyone. But this has been really good. And I never thought I would get so much out of it. And it hasn’t been scary, it’s been great!!! And if you need further convincing you can read my picture of what it has been like for the last while.

posted by bec @ 1:40 pm 0 comments

Perfect timing

I have a slightly erractic book reading practice. It is not uncommon for me to have 3 or 4 books that are yet to be finished in my literary quota. This is partly due to the fact that I will pick up a lot of different books but also due to the fact that I will often leave a book for months on end, not picking it up for a considerable interim.

The funny thing about this is that somehow God uses it. I wonder if often I will retire from reading a book because I have come to the place that need to be to deal with what is required. And then it is left for a while until I arrive at the next destination that will benefit from my readings. Recently this has so often been the case. I have finished reading at least 3 different books that I have picked up, put down and picked up again on a number of different occasions. And everytime I find that what I am reading speaks exactly into my situation.

The other thing that I have been finding is that the preaches I have been hearing have exactly coincided with where I am on my walk with God. You may remember that I mentioned the one about love and then this week's one was on prayer and time with God. It is such a God-incidence! So I just wanted to put up a praise to God for his absolutely perfect timing! He is so good.

posted by bec @ 8:01 pm 0 comments

Props to some great people

So tonight is the kick off night for the first Fuel event of the year. Fuel is a youth church event that is run by some of the young adults in my home division. It is a pretty rocking place to be of a Saturday night (they are held around once a quarter) with an amazing band, fantastic speakers and an awesome tech team! (I am kind of partial to these guys, a lot of them are my good friends!)

Anyway, just wanted to celebrate these guys in relation to something I read recently. I was a on blog (strangely enough!) and someone commented about the lack of funds for the Army because there is a lack of giving by the people. And it made me think of Fuel, except in the complete opposite. Let me tell you some of the story of Fuel.

Fuel was started out of a vision to continue to unite the youth of the division and to see them grow in Fellowship, Unity, Evangelism and Love. The concept was to use semi-regular youth meetings, with cutting-edge worship and hard core teaching, to do this. To do this required the hiring of a hall, also potentially hiring sound equipment and a dream of being able to book speakers and even fly them in. However Fuel did not want to charge an admission for this. They wanted these meetings to be as accessible as possible, particularly so that youth could bring their unsaved friends without worrying about a cost. And so it was decided that instead of charging an entrance fee an offering would be taken and teaching would be given on this. But Fuel was told that after their first few meetings they would have to start charging an entry fee, even just a gold coin, to be able to cover costs. Even so, they believed that relying on offerings was what God was asking them to do. So they decided to do it.

Fuel is now into it's third year of running. This has seen them run at least 8 different events with a partnership with Life Community Church for a concert and video recording with The Lads. In this time a number of keynote youth communicators from around the area have come to speak, and Fuel has even had the opportunity to fly a speaker up from Sydney. The final event last year culminated in the opportunity to take New Testaments in the form of a youth friendly magazine that they would give to unsaved friends. All of these things have been exclusively paid for by the giving of the youth of the division. They are absolutley amazing in their generosity. Fuel actually has the issue of working out what they are going to spend the surplus money on! I truly believe that this is because the youth are being taught about a Biblical perspective on giving through the teaching given and then they are seeing God blessing their giving. It's absolutely awesome.

So on this first event of the year, just wanted to say to all the youth of Fuel that you rock and I am praying that tonight will be awesome, even if I am not there to share it with you (this is a bit sad, first Fuel that I have missed). Keep being the awesome people that you are and keep standing up into what God is calling you to be! Love you guys heaps!!!

posted by bec @ 8:28 pm 0 comments

It figures

So you know how you formalise a commitment with God by putting it up for public scrutiny, and then, even though you have actually been doing all those things you said you were going to do for a number of days it all of a sudden becomes so difficult? It links back to the 'have to do' thing. And so yesterday, the day after I made my great post, I didn't do any of those things I said I was going to do. Great! So today I was determined to and I did. And I learnt something else. Discipline can lead to more love! I took the time to spend it with God and all the things I want to do, and particularly in praying for friends and pray the Bible I just felt love for God well up within me even more. It was really cool! So even though I sucked at being disciplined, God still showed me His grace and met with me. It's pretty amazing. I still get blown away by how awesome He is (this is a good thing!). Who ever gets God's grace?!

P.S. Oh and in a little aside, speaking of God's grace and how humbling it is, I was again finding tears in my eyes today as I found some one else (that I don't even know) with promotion for PUSH on their site. How humbling to think that someone else thinks your stuff is worth telling people about. And a huge encouragement! Wow.

posted by bec @ 7:39 pm 0 comments

Families are important

So I mentioned the other day that I caused controversy in a blog. I ended up writing a reply in my notebook and have been debating about what to do with it. See the convo in the original blog has gone past my comment and so it seems silly to bring it up again, but I thought what I wrote was important to me. So I decided I would just post it here. To give you a bit of background, the original blog was asking a question about what we should stand for if we made a new party in the government. I think I originally said standing for marriage as God ordained it, man and woman, one flesh. Here's an expansion of those thoughts.

I sometimes get in touble for saying far more than necessary, hence the shortness of the original comment. Also, I kept it intentionally short in an attempt to not offend. Seems my lack of words may have had the same affect. Whoops! I certainly never meant it as an attack against gay people (which seemed to be the assumption) and it was to do with a whole lot more than that as well. It had a lot to do with the one flesh thing, and God's original pan for marriage, and as a result, the family. There are so many attakcs on the family at the moment. There is a general push to say that marriage doesn't matter, with huge cohabitation and divorce rates, the increasing voice of the polygamist argument and the impact of the gay society as well. It's all an afront against marriage and against the family. And I believe God set up family as His special unit of functioning. He talks about the relationship of the church with Him like a marriage (e.g. John 3:29), speaks about the impact of one generation of a family to another (Gen. 17:7, 2 Tim. 1:5), and then we are referred to as God's kids (Rom. 8:17). So I figure God goes for the family deal. He is into marriage and families. I really believe that much of the degredation of society as a whole is due to the breakdown of the family. For me it's a justice issue. I am looking for a reference, but in the last year or so read an article that linked the continuing break downs of families in Europe to the general rejection of faith, particularly Christianity. For me it makes sense that the two are linked. And how many people do you know that are messed up due to messed up families? Which means that if you are standing for marriage and families, you are not only saying "no" to some things, you are also saying "yes" to others. For example, teaching people what family means, supporting parents and enriching marriages. So I guess for me, if we had a new party, I would want it to be promoting God's version of marriage. The world would be a better place because of it.

posted by bec @ 3:52 am 0 comments

Because I said so, that's why!

So I attempted to write this the other day but it didn't quite happen. The idea wan't completely there. I think it's here now, so let's have another try.

I am not very good at doing things that I have to do. If it is a choice between something I have to do and something that I don't have to do, I will most likely choose the thing that I don't have to do, even if the thing that I have to do is usually my preference. I think it's another product of not liking being put in obes. I don't like being told what to do. And so at times I have struggled with the concept of personal discipline, because it involves something that I have to do. I know it's good for me, but it still doesn't get done all the same.

So recently I've been discovering all these things about love. And so there are things that I used to have to do but now I love to do them. But I have discovered something else. I still need discipline. Because even though I am beginning to love these things it is still so easy to to find the time no tto do them, or forget to do them.

And so I was pondering love and discipline. I kow they are linked, Proverbs 3:12 tells us that the Lord disciplines those He loves. Verse 11 also tells us not to despise or resent it. But I thought this was different. Isn't it? This is not about doing something wrong but about doing something right. So maybe it applies even more... I have always said (or at least said it for a while) that discipline has to be part of the Christian experience. But I think I am now getting that this is particularly because of it's relationship with love. Discipline is a choice. Love is a choice. You are disciplined because you love. And maybe that's how God fits in. As part of His love to us He helps us be disciplined. This is not just a punishment for wrong doing but also out of a very healthy practice for doing good things.

So as part of my love relationship with God here are the things that He is disciplining me in.

Everyday I want to have:
A time of solitude that contains enough time to:
- read at least 5 chapters of Scripture
- pray for those on my prayer list
- pray the Bible for 15 min
- spend time listening to God
- memorise Scripture
- ready myself for battle

I want to regularly (something based around at least weekly times for these):
- read books that enrich my daily walk
- study the Word of God in a way that gives depth, pulling it apart and putting it back together again
- have a day of Sabbath rest where I reflect on the week that has been and examine myself in it; to realign myself with God's purpose and call on my life and where I spend time acknowledging God's greatness and goodness
- take time to write. I have discovered that I really love doin it and sometimes I have an occassionally decent turn of phrase. And it's great for me because I learn so much from it.

I think that is about it for now. I hesitate to put this here because I really don't want to put myself and my practices up as a standard. Instead I put this up here as a reminder to myself to keep me accountable, and to also allow all of you to have that role in my life as well. So feel free.

posted by bec @ 4:10 am 3 comments

Listen

Believe it or not, I am actually not bad at listening to people. For those that know me, that might be a surprise. For those that know me better, it probably isn't! But I learned a bit more today about listening. I have often said that you get so much from people when you just listen to their stories. You listen and they feel like you care and then they trust you. It's kind of cool. But I learnt how much I can learn from listening today. Because today someone asked me about how much longer I was staying at college (visiting) and then we started talking about college (they are a second year cadet). And they started to tell their story. And I listened, because that is what you do, and sometimes people need to tell there story. But then I got so much out of it because they ended up talking to about what I'm doing and how it's going to work and encouraging me. And I heard things that I probably wasnn't in a place to hear and it was just a really great experience. I and so I learnt that I should listen to people, not just always for their benefit, but because, heaven forbid (!) I might actually learn something from them as well! I also learnt again that God's timing is absolutely perfect. Even in something as apparently mundane as a simple conversation. Oh, and a "praise God" today - my internet worked for a whole day! Wow, the things that you so easily take for granted. Thank you Jesus!

posted by bec @ 11:01 pm 0 comments

hmmm??!!!

I caused controversy and I didn't even mean to! I don't know whether that should be followed with a whoops, a grin or a slighlty confused face. Maybe a bit of all three. Blogs are funny things, I think you can pretty close to saying anything and if people want to they will take offense. Apparently one of my comments on a blog got it cooking, hehe! Thought it was a pretty innocent comment but apparently not. Anyway, I think it was good, because I actually said what I thought (and I think at the time knew it might have been questioned) and was happy about that. But even so, it still felt like a bit of a slap in the face for someone to come back as hard and strong as they did. I am thinking though, that this is a good thing, in the light of my whole post the other day. So I guess it works. But I will have to be careful, because my initial response is to say, "Well I will have to be careful to not say such controversial things." But I realise that's not the lesson to learn from this. The lesson to learn is how to be able to stand with those things, and maybe even to work out how to comment back gracefully. Hmmm, not quite there yet. At present I just haven't replied... We'll see what happens!

posted by bec @ 3:47 pm 4 comments

Kick up the butt!

I have come across a situation where I have realised that I need to whip myself into shape. See I was having a conversation with one of my friends about something that saddened me. I had a conversation with some friends that included them bagging churches and people in churches and it made me really sad. It highlighted to me once again why we have such issues in the church. It seems sometimes there really is so little unity. And so I was talking with my friend about it later that night. But after the conversation I realised something. While I had been aware of my disagreement with the behaviour of these friends at the time, I hadn't said anything to stop them. Which effectively translates to me condoning their practice because I didn't do anything about it. Like it's all good and well that I can say that I didn't like what they were doing, but I had an opportunity to stop it and to speak to something different, but I didn't. I just let it go because I didn't want to cause a fuss. Strange thing, I am willing enough to cause a fuss about it in speaking to someone else, so I obviously thought it was important enough. I learnt something. I need to take the opportunities that are given to me to stand up to things that I disagree with. Sometimes keeping the peace is not always the right response. Like if you see people engaging in something you know is wrong. Doesn't mean you need to verbally abuse them, but you can say something. I should have said something. Next time I will.

posted by bec @ 8:42 pm 0 comments

Rollercoasters

So I have no real epiphany today. It's been a good day and I've had some good thoughts and was even thinking what I would write today. But as I sit in front of the screen, none of it comes to mind. I think I am a bit tired. A few too many late nights... hmmm, whose fault is that? Mostly mine really :)! So I just thought I'd write this.

I have always loved rollercoasters. From the time that I was actually tall enough to ride them I have thought they were great. We have a few theme parks close to Brisbane and I have been to all of them. I think I have ridden on every rollercoaster they have there except one. I love the anticipation as you climb up the hill, looking out at the landscape around you, seeing how far you can see, noticing how high you are. I love the initial swoop, the duck-diving, hurtling through space at a million miles per hour feeling. I love keeping my eyes open the whole time, even when you are going upside down in a loop, because it makes it that bit more scary. I love hanging your arms out at these times as well, because it even makes it scary for the person next to you! (If they kept their eyes open!) And even when you finish the ride your heart is still pounding and there is that satisfying thrill of racing adrenaline. At present I would describe my life like rollercoaster. It's a lot of fun! But hey, maybe that's why I'm so tired!

posted by bec @ 2:28 am 1 comments

How am I? (In case you were wondering!)

I wrote this as an email to some friends and then decided it was slightly 'blog-worthy'. So I thought I'd put it up here. Some of it is 'old' news, but I thought I'd just put it in 'as is'.

I am good, great in fact. I didn't expect to find myself in this place. Somehow these days have become a romance with the Lover of my soul. I spent a week maybe being slightly frustrated about being here because there was just so little to do and I felt stir crazy. But I have discovered why I am here. First and foremost it seems to be fall more and more in love with my God everyday. He is just filling up my heart and opening up more of Himself to me everyday. I am learning to hear His voice more and to follow His promptings. Somehow faith seems more real and vibrant than it has ever been. It is not just some concept, but real and alive and living. Prayer times have become amazing. I have always had difficulty making the time and then sticking at prayer. But these days I just sit, or kneel (learnt much about the benefits of physicality of this relationship), and hang out with my God. And really just talking to Him and praying the Bible and hearing His voice. I am doing college prep as well, to get it out of the way for whenever I get here for real! And it's just been great. Being seeing so many things fall together in His Word and pulling together skeleltons of preaches that He gives me that hopefully one day I will get to preach. I feel like, this is what it is to live in the palm of His hand. Life has never felt like living, like it does now. It really is that good!

Canada is getting closer and closer. Today is 3 weeks and 1 day til I leave. I am so excited! I know where I will be staying. I will be staying in a room with 3 other girls (I think this means 2 bunk beds in one room) and the about 5 other people on our side and a similar amount on the other side. So it will be community living to the max. Funnily enough, everyone would think that this would suit me (and I think it will) but having spent these last two weeks in a far more solitude like state (there are still people but separate rooms and heaps of time to myself), I know I will miss the alone time. Think that I will have to make time for it. That's the other thing that I know the Sydney time is for. As preparation, to rest and restore and to allow me to put in place disciplines that I will need going over there and also to bring me to the place that I need to be. My heart for that place is growing already and I think God has been telling me something. I think that this might be my mission field. That is, the streets. It hadn't really occurred to me before. I guess I had said things like that before, but never probably realised it. For me it is easy to see Africa, India, wherever, as mission places but I've never had this compulsion to get there. But I love the streets. So I think this is my jungle. Of cement and concrete where the ignorance and deliberate isolation of people are the dangers that lurk and the lost tribes are the drug addicts and the prostitutes. This is my battle front. This is my war. It's nice to think that even though I am leaving home I might just be going home.

posted by bec @ 6:20 pm 3 comments

Do you know one thing that frustrates me?

Ok, this has come up a few times now, in a variety of situations. So I'm blogging it!

One thing that I really hate is how, as Christians, we seem so quick to attack each other, and sometimes we don't even give the real enemy a passing thought. It reminds me of the tribe of Israel, who were always far more willing to go to war against each other than their real enemies. Like they could kill so much of the tribe of Benjamin that they were worried if it was going to survive, but they didn't even bother to get all of the other nations out of the promised land - and suffered the consequences because of it.

Why do we always have to attack each other? Why are there so many people walking around, and out, of our churches because of the things that their own brothers and sisters have done, not done, said or not said to them? Why do we as the body of Christ poke ourselves in the eye, or intentionally stub our toe all the time? Why do we criticise before trying to understand? Condemn before loving? And regularly never forget, even if we 'say' that we forgive?

I guess in writing this I don't want so much answers, but to remind myself, and everyone who reads this, that if I am truly loving my God I am working to live in unity with my brothers and sisters, forgiving their faults and not trying to make them trip up. I love the body of Christ. I want to make sure I do actually show that.

posted by bec @ 9:27 pm 3 comments

A response to me

So in response to what I have already written for today, I'm going to put something up here. I was hesitant about sharing and was originally going to put up all sorts of excuses for it. But I'm just going to put it here now, and you can see what you think.

I realised something recently. The reason that we have an issue with miltant language is because we don't actually think we are at war. We throw around "consideration for others' perspectives" as an escuse to abandon our military terminology, but it is a lot of hogwash. We wouldn't be influenced by other people's perspectives if we knew we were at war. A militant paradigm would be essential! But if we don't believe that we are at war, then it is simply anon-essential, slightly antiquated window dressing that is inconvenietn to explain and perhaps no worth our time. Expecially if it's just about our own sensibilities. But it's not. We are a war. Scripture tells us we are (Ephesians 6:12 is always a good one). It's just a matter of whether we choose to engage in this war or not, but this choice doesn't change the fact there is a war. Just as Aragorn warned the kin gof Rohan, "Open war is upon you whether you risk it or not." Our engagement doesn't change the enemy's position. We either fight or be assaulted. The choice is ours.
But in a world such as today, there are so many distractions that would attempt to convince us that there is no war. Look around you. The message of the world is, "It's all about you. It's all about your comfort, your status, your security." We are subtlely (and not so subtlely) lulled into believeing, and maybe even wanting to believe, that we aren't here for others and we certainly aren't at war! Who remembers that there is a war when you can push on button to access a world of entertaiment with on-demand cable, another button for your climate controlled air conditioning and a few more buttons to order next week's groceries from the internet enabled refrigerator. And while many of us may not have these specific mod-cons, I think you get my point. (Funny how modern conveniences somehow slip so quickly from conveniences to cons, of the pros and cons type.) And so in a land that promotes this much comfort and luxury, it is more than helpful, it may even be essential to take on a militant form as our expression of the Christian faith to remind us that we are at war. Remember that one, we are at war!
And imagine if we did remember it. Imagine if we lived everyday with the awareness of the spiritual combat taht rages around us. If we did remember, and we believed the position of authority that we have been given it it, we would be taking ground left, right and centre. We wouldn't be waiting for things to come to us, we'd be going out and claiming them. We wouldn't be shrinking in 'submission' to the attacks that attempt to overthrow us, we'd be staring it in the face and staring it down, and commanding it gone to where it should be. There'd be no pew sitting, no faction fights (who fights with each other when there's a real war to wage) and we'd probably get a whole lot more serious about training and being in shape. We might actually look and act like a people at war!
So bring on the militarianism I say. We are at war. I need to remember this. If we are to succeed we must all remember this, and engage. And if the world doesn't understand (somewhere along the lines wasn't that to be expected?) then maybe we should explain it to them. Might just be a great platform from which to talk about the gospel. You know, the greatest war story ever told?!

posted by bec @ 5:50 pm 0 comments

God's love

"Happy Valentines Day!" Particularly to any single people who might read this because they may not hear it otherwise. So I thought I'd go with the theme of the day and go with a Valentines thought. Hopefully it will not be as cliched as some you might read today. :)

This is really with props to Anthony who preached at Glebe salvos on Sunday. The message was great, and really got me thinking. See, in honour of Valentines Day he decided to preach on 1 Corinthians 13. He spent his whole sermon speaking about God's love for us and how it realy just blows our mind if we try to think about it. At first I thought it was a bit cliched, but then it grabbed me, it is really cool sometimes to just sit under the reminder of how much God loves us. And the truth is, we all seem to forget it so easily, or at least don't live in it, so we probably need to hear it more.

And so I let the message of the love of God sink in, and yes, it did blow my mind away. But then I realised something else. If God loves me that much, what am I doing with it? Why do I ever doubt what I've been given because I wonder what others will think of it? Why do I shrink in the corner and hide away, unsure of myself? Why am I tempted to believe that I am unloved or unloveable? Why do I ever not be the absolute best, most and fullest that I can be? Why do I ever doubt myself with God?

Because if I really get God's love, then I won't. If I understand how much He loves me and I live in this everyday then I will have everything that I need. I don't need to worry about what other people think, because my Dad loves me and all of my assurance is found in Him. I don't need to question the thing that I've been prompted to do or say as right, wondering if I will be made the fool, because if my God loves me then I have my security in Him. I shine because He loves me and He loves me to shine. I am loved and I am free, to be everything that He has called me to be and not hold back. The biggest reason I hold back is because I worry about criticism of others. But if I know my God's love, and that nothing can separate me from it, then I don't need to worry about that. He is everything I need and so I will not look for anything more.

I think I am learning more of what it means to live in this love! Praise the Lord!!! It's kinda cool. :)

posted by bec @ 6:04 am 4 comments

My Fair Lady

I love My Fair Lady, the story of a 'common gutter snipe' being turned into a lady. In the light of what we do and the people I wish to reach, I picked up some lessons.

"You see Mrs Higgins, apart from the things that one can pick up, the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins because he always treats me as a flower girl and always will. And I know that I will always be a lady to Colonel Pickering because he always treats me as a lady and always will." - Eliza Doolittle

I wonder if this is any reflection of my views of people on the streets. How do I treat them? I'm sure they could tell me. But do I treat them as I would treat my friends, or more importantly, do I treat them as I would Christ? Or do I treat them as they are so often thought of, "the undeserving poor," kept there by "their choices" and my inability to see them as anything else? Do I allow them to be more than they currently are, who they were called to be, by treating 'a common flower girl' as a 'duchess'? I hope I do. I don't always know what it means in practice. I guess it means recognising their humanity as no less than my own. Or my humanity as any more than theirs. And if I were to love them, as Christ calls me to love them, it would be to think of them as higher than me. Now I wonder, how often do I do that? And I'm afraid that the answer would have to be far less often than not, if at all. Which in itself is hypocrisy. How can I talk about the love of Christ to people if I don't even show it in the way that I treat them?

Check this dialogue for more thoughts:
Black - Professor Henry Higgins
Green - Miss Eliza Doolittle

If you come back you'll be treated in the same manner as you've always been treated. I can't change my nature and I don't intend to change my manners. My manners are exactly the same as Colonel Pickering!
That's not true, he treats a flower girl as if she were a duchess.
Well, I treat a duchess as if she were a flower girl.
Oh I see, the same to everyone.
Just so. You see Eliza, the great secret is not the question of good manners, or bad manners, or any particular sort of manners, but having the same manner for all human souls. The question is not whether I treat you rudely, but whether you've ever heard me treat anyone else better.
I don't mind how you treat me.I don't mind you swearing at me. I shouldn't mind a black eye, I've had one before, but I won't be passed over.

And while somewhere in there he has a useful point (though I don't agree with all of it), in the end it doesn't get the to point of the matter: "I won't be passed over." I think in her words maybe sometimes we hear the voice of those on the streets. I know I've almost heard that before. I do sincerely hope that rather than simply having the same manner for all, that consistently I would be found to have the manner of Colonel Pickering, to always treat a common flower girl as if she were a duchess.

posted by bec @ 3:13 am 0 comments

I worked it out! (or at least I got told)

I came down to Sydney not really knowing why I was here. Oh yes, I had some ideas that it was me and God time and that I would spend some great times in prayer and in the Word and that I would also try and get the rest of my college prep done. But really when it came down to it, I didn't really know why I was here. God said come, or go, and so I did. I just found out why I am here.

This is my preparation time. I guess I had kind of being saying that to people, but I hadn't really realised the truth of it. I have just finished reading Waking the Dead (John Eldredge). It really is a great book. John is an easy writer to read and the message of the book is something that we all need to hear. In a desperate, this is important for the rest of your life and for others, kind of way. The book is about your heart being fully alive in God. Even if you think you have this it is definitely worth the read. But enough on the free plug.

Here is basically what God has been saying to me.

"You are here to rest, to recoperate, to recover. You are here to spend time with me. To explore more of your heart, to let me restore it and to learn more about me. That is why you are here. And while you are here you role is to use this time to establish the habits and disciplines you will need when you leave here. Take this time and use it as the valuable thing that it is. Use it wisely to equip yourself. That is why I have given you this time. Because where you are going you will need it, and not just so much for yourself. You will need it for others. If you are to fulfill what I am calling you to then you will need your heart in the right place and you will need to know how to guard it. Because out of there flow the wellsprings of life. Take this time, learn these lessons, do not scorn what you have been given."

Because to tell you the truth I kind of had. Yes, I kind of knew there was a reason for me being down here and so I came, but since being down here it has often felt that I am just marking time, waiting for where I want to be. I have gotten slightly frustrated more than once. But I've finally been told why I am here. And so I am determined to make the most of what has been given to me. I will get my college prep done. This is not something that I need to take with me to have to worry about getting done while I am over there. And I will be diligent in establishing disciplines of time with God. And not only the time but the quality of content as well. This is my job and I'm gonna fight for it. Because I know that the enemy will work to take it from me and, for all the time that I do have, take the time away from me, and encourage me to see it as not a priority. For now this is my battle.

Because that was the other thing that I had been feeling bad about. I've been reading about a battle and I've been talking about a battle, but what am I doing to engage in that right now? I had thought, not much. But now I realise, at present, this is my task for the battle. I've been called in off the front lines for a time to regroup and up-skill. I'm kind of disappointed that I need so long to do this but this is one of the things that God is telling me. "The reason that you need to take so much time out is that you have not been looking after yourself on the run. So I've pulled you out to get you up to speed. So if you don't want to have to do this again, or very regularly, then learn how to do it on the run. And if you can't learn to do it while you've got the time, you'll never learn to do it when you don't." So I have been soundly told and I am endeavouring to learn the lesson.

I must say, I do love this blog. It is so good for me. It means that I take far more notice of the lessons that I learn. Because I realise them, and then I think about how I will write them. And then I actually get around to writing them. And then I get the benefit of rereading them at a later date. And the bonus is I get to share them all with you, and maybe, just maybe they might help someone else as well.

posted by bec @ 8:28 pm 2 comments

'salvo pin-up girl'

So I stumbled across one of my friend's blogs yesterday. She actually goes to my church, and if I thought about it, I would have known that she had a blog, but it didn't really occur to me. Well yesterday when I was following links to salvo blogs I ran into her blog. I recognised her name from a blog we both used to post on and then I recognised her story. So I read the posts that were displayed and then today I decided to go back and read some of the earlier posts. And then I found a post about me. There were no names written, but the blog coincided with a time, and so I checked it on my calendar, and yes it was about me. The thing that stuck out to me was the quote that she used to describe me, that I was a 'salvo pin-up girl.' That being, the kind of salvo everyone wants to be like (at least that was how she described it). Funny thing, when I read it I was sad. I don't want to be a salvo pin-up girl. I'm not. I make so many mistakes and fall down so many times and I really am not the person that I would want to be putting on display as the salvo example to follow. I know that I would like to be an example for people to follow and I attempt to live my life that way, but I am so not perfect. And that is the connotation that pin-up girl gives me. I hate that people sometimes put me on a pedestal and think that I do everything right or something. I guess sometimes I come across that way, and so I guess that means that I contribute to this misconception. I don't want to do that. Must mean that I need to be more open with people about my imperfections. Hopefully this blog is sometimes a good way of doing that.

But for all those people reading this blog, in case it isn't: I am not perfect, I have my faults and failings that may not be so obvious, but are certainly there. And I am once again reminded of a song (stacy orrico): Don't look at me if you're looking for perfection, don't look at me I will only let you down, don't look at me, oh no no, don't look at me, look at Him.

And to my friend (If you ever get here to read this!): Not upset at you for writing this, just sad that once again I came across as I don't mean to. So not upset at you, probably more just me and the situation. :) Much love.

posted by bec @ 6:44 pm 2 comments

Lessons from Kayaking

How gorgeous is this lake! So on Thursday night I travelled up two of my friends who live just north of Sydney. This is what you look out to from Rusty and Belinda's sun room, and yes, you can just walk into the lake from their backyard (mind the seaweed though, it really smells!). It was Rusty's birthday on 10 Feb so he took the day off work. He mowed the lawn, we met Belinda for lunch (she still had to work) and then before going out with friends for dinner and bowling we went for a kayak. Rusty really loves kayaking and so he and Belinda both have a kayak. I borrowed Belinda's kayak and we went out for an 1+ kayak - it was great! I love being on the water. And there is something about paddling that is good exercise but very peaceful as well. It gives you heaps of time to think and so here are some things that were brought to my attention. I'm not explaining them, so you can interpret them however you would like.

1) Often it feels easier to be blown along by the wind, but if you just keep doing that you probably won't get to where you need to be.

2) If you want to reach your destination you have to keep your eye on it, otherwise you will probably end up way off course.

3) It only takes the splashing of water for you to end up covered in salt and to feel it's effects.

4) If you want to get through the muck, the best way to face it is head up, paddling as fast as you can. And even then it might just take some good old fashioned hard work and patience. However, if you just sit there you certainly won't go anywhere.

5) - for something a bit more light-hearted - It is always handy to have a guy around to hose off the kayaks when you need to race in to get ready for dinner because you are gonna be late! Thanks Rusty!

So I'm all for analogies. What do you think of those?

posted by bec @ 9:33 pm 1 comments

On my knees

Sometimes I write poems, lyrics, whatever you'd like to call it. Sometimes, not very often. And I very rarely let people see it. So you should all fee very privileged!

On my knees I found You
I still find You on my knees
When the world would call
Or the glory fades
The safest place I know
Is still on my knees

So many times I’ve left You
I’ve wandered on my own
And found that life’s trappings
Have never satisfied
There’s only one place that I’m whole
And I know it’s on my knees

My God, I kneel in surrender
I kneel at the splendour of Your grace
I kneel in submission to a greatness
That I still don’t understand
There is no more than I can do
But be found upon my knees

Lord may I be found on my knees
I lay my life down before You
May I be found in total surrender
As I kneel before Your throne

Just some thoughts. Having some really great prayer times at the moment!

posted by bec @ 6:37 pm 2 comments

New blog

If you look on the side at the links you will notice that there is a link to My 2nd Travel Photo Blog. The first one stopped working, so the new stuff's there!

posted by bec @ 2:26 pm 0 comments

A bit simpler

The last post was slightly confusing, if anything. I guess what I was trying to say, amonst other things, is:

To everyone whose blogs I read (and I suspect most of you don't even know that I do), especially those of you overseas, thanks heaps. Particularly for letting me know that I am not as crazy as I think I am. Or at least that there are heaps of other people who are just as crazy as I am! Sometimes it's really important to know.

posted by bec @ 1:03 am 0 comments

Addiction or Affection?

So I regained internet access today. I am currently staying the salvos training college in Sydney and they have internet access in the hostel rooms but I only spoke with someone yesterday about connecting it (they have internet in the library, but nothing cuts working from the computer you are familiar with, that also has all of your programs and music, in the privacy of your own room - mostly so I can play whatever music I want!). And then today I went to get a cord to connect it (because I forgot that I needed one, being used to having a wireless connection - couldn't access any here, I tried it) but they sold me a phone cord instead of an internet cord. So I will return that tomorrow. But now I finally have the net and I feel so much better about it. And that might sound like I'm addicted, but let me give you an alternative.

I use the internet to connect with people. I write emails, I post on my blog and I read other peoples blogs. The internet is a means to an end, and that end is people. I love people. But I had been feeling a bit lost here - the training college can be a pretty people quiet place because most people are here for a reason related to activity - as opposed to me who is here to do not much and get some rest and away time. And so I jumped on and read the numerous blogs that I have in my Favourites. And I realised something. One of the reasons that I had been feeling alone was because there are all these people that I hear from on a very regular basis. Some of them don't know me, some of them I don't know. But I know people who do. And I found all my friends again, it was good.

The other thing I realised is that I was missing Canada news, and missing hearing people talk the way they do over there. Not the accent (you can't get that over the net and I wouldn't miss it anyway) but the full of faith, fired up for the Kingdom way that they have of talking. It resonates inside of me, and I had been missing people talking like that. Sometimes if you talk like that too much over here it feels like people look at you strange or really just don't understand. It was good to read everyone's stuff and remember that I am not alone. (Never am, God is always there - He's been great! - but you know what I mean) And it was also great to realise that even this far away, and over the distance of cyberspace, Canada is still feeling like home. Can't wait to get there. The confirmation was good.

posted by bec @ 8:14 pm 0 comments

Just like a parent!

The other day I went to visit my friend Jess and her 2 year old son and 6 month old daughter. I met them to go to the shopping centre and we stopped for Gloria Jeans (best coffee place in the world!) Now her son decided that he wanted som of the "sweet drink" but Jess, being the good mum that sh eis, wanted him to have some water first so that he didn't get dehydreated. And my, what a show as seen! Try crocodile tears to the max, not being able to sit up properly on the seat and ending up in a huff on the floor. The crazy thing was - that his little 2 year old mind couldn't comprehend - if he just did what was good for him, which wasn't horrible at all, he would get what he wanted. Instead me had dramas that probably lasted on and off for about 1/2 hr (My problem - I had difficulty stopping laughing, he was so cute!). Similarly, later he decided that he wanted a ride on the motorised car. He had seen the "Barney car" and was pretty keen on it. But Jess knew that there was this much bigger, very cool car up ahead. But just try and convince him of this! And so once again we got a tantrum show. And the whole time Jess is saying, if you just wait a bit we'll get to a better one.

And in both situations we couldn't help but notice how much this must be like us and God sometimes. How many times are we throwing a tantrum because we want what we want and we are not getting it. I wonder how many times it's becasue we need to do something that will be good for us first, or because we need to wait for something better just up the way. It's worth pondering!

P.S. I used to wonder what mum's at home did with their time. Since gaining two friends with kids I don't have too many more specific answers, I just know that it takes so long to do whatever it is that you do that you never know where the day went! I am now in complete support of their position of busyness and lack of time. :)

posted by bec @ 9:03 pm 0 comments

Faith the size of a mustard seed

Apparently that's how much you need to move a mountain. Apparently I really don't have that much!

All these people I am talking to at the moment seem to think that I have heaps of faith at the moment. But it's silly cos I don't. And I sometimes get stressed about the silliest things. Like getting stressed cos I hadn't heard about some arrangements that needed to happen and coming up with all the worst possible scenarios. To the point where the thought even flashed through my mind, "Have I just made up all this stuff about God calling me to Canada?" And I was talking to God about it saying, "God I hate that you can do all these amazing things for me and yet I still doubt and don't trust You." And He basically just said, "Bec, have I taken care of it all so far?" And of course the answer was yes. And so He said, "Well I've got this under control too. Be at peace." And so I went to sleep last night clinging to all the amazing evidence that God has given me that yes, this what He has called me to do. (So there was a reason for asking - or at least receiving - a bunch of confimation in the first place, I was gonna needed it!) And so this morning I jump on the computer and there was the email saying that everything is fine. I think God smiled, because it wasn't there last night - I checked. And so this is just another lesson for me at learning how to trust him completely. He's good, I've got a long way to go in this lesson!

posted by bec @ 2:29 pm 0 comments